That Unsettled Empty Nest Feeling

I’ve been feeling just a bit unsettled over the past two weeks.  It’s like I’m not quite sure what I want to do or how I’m going to get wherever I’m going.  At first I didn’t really put a name to it.  However, after connecting in to the feeling a bit more, I finally figured it out.  I’m just not settled into my current reality yet.

This is something that most every mom who has just dropped off her child at college can understand.  it’s not that you don’t trust your child to be a good human being.  It’s not that you aren’t excited for their growth in this time of their life.  It’s just that your job description as a mom has all of a sudden changed.   It can be a bit unsettling.

This wasn’t my son’s first time leaving home for the school year.  So, I’m used to the change that comes when he leaves the house.  It gets quieter.  I have more time to focus on things around the house or on me.  I’ll even admit that it’s really quite pleasant after spending so much time raising my kids as a full-time mom.

I think what’s a little different this time around is that my life for the past 3 months has been super focused around my kids for the first time in several years.

First, my son and I took this amazing 2 week vacation to Spain.  Since he didn’t know anyone at all besides me, he kind of liked me a little more while we were there.  That was an unexpected bonus to the trip.

Then, I took almost 2 weeks to help my daughter move across the country from Orlando, FL to Albuquerque, NM.   The actual trip only took us about a week, but I hung around a few extra days to help her settle in before I flew home.  That was an intense bonding experience for sure!

Finally, I moved my son from home to his college dorm.  No more coming home on weekends or quick trips by his campus at boarding school to deliver whatever he forgot.  He now lives a couple of states away in Florida.  He’s so much more on his own than he was before and my on call duties have been greatly reduced.

So, now for the past 2 weeks, I’ve had this feeling that something is off.  I connected in to that feeling a bit deeper and finally realized that I’m simply unsettled.  Life has just gone back to what it’s like when the kids are out of the house.  I’m going through an adjustment period as I realign my priorities again.

Neither of my kids needs me to coordinate a cross-country move right now.  I can use that time to take a nap, read a book or start a new project for my business.  I can adjust my schedule as I need to for me & not wonder if it will work for my kids.

What I’m feeling is the freedom that comes when your children move out.  It can be weird and unsettling at first as you adjust to a new lifestyle.  It can also be exciting and full of joy to spend time on yourself.

What path you take when your child moves out can depend on several things.  Is this your first or your last child to leave your house?  Is this the first or the third time that the same child has moved out?  Are you prepared with what you want to do with all of your new found free time?  Or, are you left wondering what to do with yourself?

My Next Chapter in life is going to be full of many surprises and excitement as I uncover this next step on my path.  At other times, there will also be confusion, irritation and resentment that things had to change.

All of those feelings and more are normal.  It’s a big change to go from full-time mom to a more mentor-like role.  I get it.  I’m going through it yet again.

I think this time, I’m more prepared.  I’ve been through it before.  I have a better idea or what I want to do with myself now than I did when my son moved out the first time 2 years ago.

So, I’ll sit with this unsettled feeling until it goes away.  In the meantime, I’ll know that I’m just adjusting to life as it is right now.

Schedule a session with me to begin to connect in to your own body so that you can understand what it is trying to tell you.