My last blog post included some signs that you might have a codependent relationship with your kids. In this post I’ll go over a few ways that you can begin to heal from this codependency.
It’s not something that you meant to do, but as a mom you’ve likely devoted much of your life to your kids. This may have led you to develop that codependent relationship with your kids. I understand how this can happen because I did it too. It was an easy habit to slip into. After all, when you kids were babies they depended on you for everything. What did you get in return, love, hugs and satisfaction that you kept your little human alive another day. Now, that your kids are older, that codependent relationship may not be working out so well for you. If it’s time for a change, then I want you to know that you CAN heal from a codependent relationship.
Healing from this codependency may not be easy or fast, but as you begin to heal, you’ll be happy to discover yourself again.
Here are 3 ways to begin to heal from your codependent relationship with your kids.
#1 – Get to know yourself again
When you were deep into the time-consuming stage of raising your kids, you probably had little time for yourself. As a mom, spare moments are often dedicated to your kids. You can get lost in the shuffle of getting it ALL done.
It’s time to get to know yourself again and it starts with awareness. You can’t make any changes or shifts if you’re not aware of where you are already.
So, begin to get to know yourself by taking short Awareness Breaks throughout your day. They don’t take long to do and they aren’t complicated. To do an Awareness Break you simply stop, take a deep breath in and let it all out & notice where you are and what you are doing. Notice how your body feels and notice what’s happening around you.
That’s it. Simple, I know, but these Awareness Breaks can be very powerful. Start to notice what’s happening in your life and then you can begin to create some much needed changes.
#2 – Take some time for yourself
It’s not selfish to take a little time for yourself. It’s just the opposite. By taking care of your own needs, you will feel better & then you can take care of those around you if needed. In contrast, if you are constantly giving to others, but never giving to yourself, then you will get depleted and eventually not have very much to give to those around you. I know that’s not what you want to happen, and that means you MUST take care of yourself too!
I’m talking about self-care here. Self-care can be anything that fills up your own cup. It can be quiet time reading a book, a warm bath, a hike in the woods, a massage, eating a meal with friends, etc.
Each one of us has different needs. There is no one way to do self-care. The key is to find something that helps you to feel whole, happy and energized. When you take the time to do this activity you will feel refreshed and ready to face the world again.
What will you put on your schedule for yourself this week?
#3 – Try something new
As your kids were growing up, most of your activities revolved around your kids. You went to their games, their performances, and entertained them. Now that your schedule isn’t dictated by your kids, do something that you’ve wanted to do for a long time. Try out a new hobby. Go on the trip that your kids wouldn’t have appreciated but that you’re dying to take. Join a club and connect to other people with similar interests.
You’re time is finally yours again to plan and enjoy. So, do just that. Get out there and try something new or even resurrect a hobby that you had to let go while you were raising your kids.
Don’t wait for someone else to invite you. Take the initiative and and join in something new and fun. Even if it turns out to not be as much fun as you hoped, you’ll be glad that you did this for yourself.
Some form of codependency with your kids is almost inevitable as you raise your kids. It’s okay and you’re not alone in this. It can feel like a part of you has been ripped off when your kids first leave & you don’t know what to do with yourself.
Getting to this point in time didn’t happen over night. You slowly over the years got more and more wrapped up in your kids lives. So, don’t expect it to resolve overnight.
Yes, you will always miss your kids and remember fondly those days when they were younger. However, you can move forward again with your own life. What you do after your kids leave will help you to recover from your codependent state of mind and as you do recover, you’ll rediscover the parts of yourself that have been hidden for awhile.
Get to know yourself again, do some self-care and try something new. And then repeat as needed.
Remember, you don’t have to do this transition all by yourself. It’s okay to accept support for this process. You probably read all of the books and let at least a few people help you when your kids were first born. So, maybe it’s time to accept support now that your kids have left. I can help with that support. To see if 1×1 sessions would be a good fit, schedule a free 15 minute call with me. We’ll talk about your goals and your options and together decide how I can help you.